A Secure Attachment Style develops in childhood and provides a firm foundation for handling life events. Secure individuals experience a wide range of emotions but handle them differently than other attachment styles.
All of the attachment styles center around love.
We all want an answer to these 2 questions.
- Am I worthy of love?
- Are others capable of loving me?
Ephesians 3:17-19, the Apostle Paul prays for us so that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith; that we are rooted and grounded in love may be able to comprehend the width, length, and depth of the love of Christ so that we may be filled with the fullness of God.
This is the foundation of a person securely attached to God, they are rooted and grounded in the love of Christ.
In 1 John 4, John says several times in that chapter that God is love. We are created in His image therefore, He created us to love and be loved. The primary source of our ability to give and receive Love is Father God, Himself.
A secure person believes they are worthy of love and they are capable of getting the love they need. They believe that others are willing and able to love them.
What is your attachment style?
This internal sense of security and knowledge of being loved frees them from all hidden agendas so they are able to relate to others honestly and without pretense. There are no strings attached and no pressure to perform.
It is the desire of our Heavenly Father for us to operate with the knowledge that we are deeply loved by Him.
However, we often have circumstances, traumas and abuses that occur and we attach to things or people that are not in our best interest. More on that in discussions on the other attachment styles.
Secure Attachment In Childhood
A child who is securely attached to his or her parents
- Feels worthy of love and is convinced this his parents are fully capable of giving him the affection and encouragement he needs.
- Is comfortable with intimacy and autonomy
- Develops wisdom in relationships
- Is allowed to experience the full range of emotions and is taught how to handle them.
Secure Attachment In Adulthood
When secure people run into problems, they can experience the whole spectrum of emotions from joy to depression, from confusion to peace, and even anxiety, sadness, guilt, and yes anger. Here are some things that set them apart.
- Emotional strength
- In touch with the world around them
- Face life head-on
- Accept challenges and take risks
- Stand up for what they believe and are not haunted by fear or loss
- A willingness to seek and accept comfort, especially in times of trouble programmed
- Seeks connection with and comfort from others
- Seek attachment figure when stressed
- Courage for love and intimacy
- Responsible for themselves
- Confidence about “Who I Am”.
- No pressure to perform.
- Freedom from all internal agendas so they can relate to others genuinely and honestly.
- Regulates anger and all other feelings. Can be angry without criticizing
- Respect other’s feelings because you believe they are not going to manipulate you
- No hidden agendas
- Skilled at communicating their feelings and opinions
- Anger generally springs from hope, not fear – looks for problem resolution
- Regulates conflict
- Trust in Others
- Tend to trust others
- Believes that anger will lead to a solution
- Healthy expression of anger can be a healing solution
People with secure attachment styles get sad, angry, anxious and every other emotion, they are just more resilient and have more tools available to handle the emotions.
They generally grow from their trials and come back stronger.
Overall the securely attached person believes that God is good, has good things for them, and loves them. They can openly receive His love and love from others.
Scriptures for study and meditation
Stay tuned for in-depth studies on knowing who you are in Christ. I strongly believe that understanding who we are in Christ begins with understanding (or trying to understand) our omnipotent, omniscient Heavenly Father.
Further Reading on Attachment Styles
Adapted from God Attachment by Drs. Tim Clinton & Joshua Straub and Attachments by Drs. Tim Clinton & Gary Sibcy.
This article is intended as a general overview of the avoidant attachment type, not a diagnostic tool. Please consult a trained Christian Counselor for more detailed information.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.